Never Be

A random, short story that I felt like writing. I warn you, random.

Walking through the door of her boyfriend’s humble apartment, Rachelle silently closed the door and stood to take in the sight before her. There he was, the love of her life, sitting silently on a bar stool, head in his hands with tears streaming down his face. How was she supposed to be strong when he was so broken?

As quietly as she could, she made her way towards him, each of his silent sobs ringing in her ears. She wondered how to act with him in his current state, she wondered if she could actually maintain her composure.

She laid a hand on his shoulder, but the gentle touch did not faze the man before her. His body, wracked with sobs and she wondered why the news hurt him this much. Was he mad at her or mad at himself?

“Alex?” she called out softly. He didn’t respond.

She took her time as she climbed into the bar stool next to him, discomfort of a new weight making it difficult. She really didn’t know what to say. Shouldn’t she have been the one to tell him?

“Alex?” she tried again. He still did not respond. “Alex, look at me.” She told him more sternly than she had intended. He finally looked up ; his tear stained face causing her to temporarily lose her train of thought. “I know you’re mad, but—“ he cut her off quickly.

“No, don’t.” he begged of her.

“Alex, we need to talk about this!” she said frustrated. “I know I didn’t get to tell you and I know I left, but I’m back and now we can work this out!”

He closed his eyes and found interest in his worn cabinets. “It’s just so much.” He replied.

Rachelle looked down to the floor as shame spread across her features. “I was scared, Alex. I was scared of my parents, my friends, the baby, you.” She poured out her feelings to him and he still elicited no response. “I need you to at least forgive me. I need you to know that I’m sorry for getting pregnant. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to leave for as long as I did. I just want you back.”

He looked over at her with now sympathetic eyes and she could feel his emotions pierce right through her. Pain, hurt, discomfort, and yet, understanding?

“Babe, it’s not your fault.” He turned and took her hands in his. “Last time I checked, pregnancy was a two-part process.”

She laughed lightly at his response, happy that he didn’t seem mad. She looked up to face him finally and reached out to wipe a stray tear from his handsome face.

“Then what is it? What has got you so upset?” she asked him. She knew she cried herself to sleep for days after finding out about the baby, but this, this just didn’t seem right.

He sighed and played with the bracelet on her wrist – a gift from him to show that they’d always be together. She prayed it still applied now.

She looked to him sternly, waiting for a response. She saw the tears had started back up and then he gave her an answer that tore straight through her soul.

“I know I’d never be a good father.”